Do you ever get tired of the sound of your voice, nagging your kids? They probably do too.
More and more, we are a society that's pressed for time. We are also more overprogrammed than ever before. As a result, Canadians are often found dashing out the door, running late for some activity. When you add kids into this mix, two things happen. 1. The number of activities increases exponentially, and 2. The number of bodies to get out the door is greater. Thus the number of delaying factors is enhanced. And when the kids are younger than, say, five, there are a whole lot of extra delaying factors.
This is a recipe for frazzled moms and dads who are chasing daylight to have very thin patience. We nag, we demand, we threaten, we yell. And, at least in my home, none of it does one lick of good.
It seems obvious, but its easy to forget that when we are stressed, our kids pick up on that and it affects their behavior, their likelihood to comply, and their willingness to be cheerful. After all, if we're being Mean Scary Mommy, what motivation is there for them to be sweet and cooperative?
Enter Playful Parenting. In this book by Lawrence J. Cohen, we explore the concept of making parenting more fun. For everyone. The book discusses approaches like ensuring you are at child level when asking them to do things. The importance of eye contact and face-to-face communication (vs. shouting from downstairs). Making tasks more fun, offering choices, and challenging kids to cooperate without commanding them. Parents who try the approach sing its praises and say their kids have never been so happy, cooperative, or pleasant to be around. Just build in extra time for things, make it fun, and you will get where you need to go without yelling.
But is too much accommodation a bad thing? What happens when our kids start school, or organized sports, or enter the workplace? After living with parents who are ultra creative and use these approaches to coax out the behaviors, will these kids expect everyone to do that? I daresay that teachers, coaches, and bosses will not have the time, energy, or inclination to find every child's hot buttons and maneuver a way to press them. Will these kids then be faced with a crushing disappointment and have trouble adjusting to having to do things they don't really want to do? Is this actually a way of manipulating them - and if so, is that really what we are aiming to do?
I suggest that the best approach is to aim for an 80/20 rule. 80% of the time, be fun. Be sweet. Be creative and inventive and do what you've got to do to get things done with smiles on faces. 20% of the time, allow yourself to fail. Snap. Order, command, and demand. And be ok with that. Showing your kids that you are human is a good lesson for them. Making mistakes, and apologizing for them, are wonderful life lessons in modeling humility. Demonstrating that the world does not revolve around them 100% of the time is a teaching opportunity and it sets them up for realistic future expectations. Not to mention, expecting yourself to be darling and awesome 24/7 is a lot of pressure. And I, for one, am probably not capable of that. Kudos to you if you are, but if you give yourself an ulcer trying, maybe you want to reconsider.
I don't think anyone would say that being Drill Seargent Mommy all of the time is a good idea, nor would it be effective in shaping kids with good self esteem, work ethics, or happy childhood memories. But I also think that being Warm Fuzzy Mommy all of the time sets kids up with unrealistic expectations of life.
So go ahead. Lower your expectations (they ARE kids, after all). Have more fun. Enjoy their littleness. And on the days when you are worn too thin and you lose it, don't beat yourself up. But the great thing is, if you don't nag them daily, it can't really be considered nagging anymore. And you'll stop hating how it sounds if you do less of it.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Monday, September 19, 2011
Ten MONTHS????
Oh my. Ten months since I last wrote. That's awesome. I knew we were busy, but I didn't realize it was that busy!
A lot has changed. My little boy is getting bigger, and my big boy is huge! They both walk, talk, sing, argue, use the potty (to varying degrees of mastery), and try my patience on a daily basis. My big boy has started preschool and is slowly getting used to the routine, being away from me, and learning to follow instructions. My little boy has had massive vocabulary explosions and chatters constantly. He's also flirting with sleeping through the night most nights (finally, after 18 months of all night nursings!!).
We are still on the fence (mostly me) about having a third child. My husband is much less undecided than I am...he has moments where he thinks another baby would be nice, but I think about it much more than he does. As time goes on and my two boys get bigger, more independent, and more fun, I find the idea of a newborn much less appealing. And then I see someone at the mall with their brand new baby and get that squeezing aching needing feeling.
I've stopped working as much outside the home. I didn't return to my full time job after mat leave, and went through a phase where I was working at a part time job a lot, and then scaled it back too for better work/family balance. Currently I'm freelance writing as much as I can (which isn't enough) and working odd jobs where I find them. I may return to work part time or even full time soon, but for now being a stay at home mom (SAHM) is working for us. We'll see how things look in a few more months - budgeting is difficult, for sure. I'm hatching a few plans for going back for some re-education, and also keeping an eye out for opportunities in my old field, just in case. The idea is for me to stay home until we have both boys in full time school, but that's still a long time away and I don't know if we can do it, both for financial reasons and reasons of maintaining my sanity.
We've enjoyed a few vacations, some mini ones and one larger one. I have a new stepfather and some stepsiblings and stepnieces.
Right now we have a foster dog staying with us while we look for a new home for her. She's precious, and fitting in really nicely with the other dogs. At least once a day someone mentions adopting her and keeping her forever...but I don't know if that's such a great idea. We'll see how things unfold.
All right...so that is the catch up post. Doesn't sound very interesting, but there have been a lot of smiles, a lot of celebrations, a lot of stresses, and a lot of learning and growing these past ten months. I'll be back soon.
A lot has changed. My little boy is getting bigger, and my big boy is huge! They both walk, talk, sing, argue, use the potty (to varying degrees of mastery), and try my patience on a daily basis. My big boy has started preschool and is slowly getting used to the routine, being away from me, and learning to follow instructions. My little boy has had massive vocabulary explosions and chatters constantly. He's also flirting with sleeping through the night most nights (finally, after 18 months of all night nursings!!).
We are still on the fence (mostly me) about having a third child. My husband is much less undecided than I am...he has moments where he thinks another baby would be nice, but I think about it much more than he does. As time goes on and my two boys get bigger, more independent, and more fun, I find the idea of a newborn much less appealing. And then I see someone at the mall with their brand new baby and get that squeezing aching needing feeling.
I've stopped working as much outside the home. I didn't return to my full time job after mat leave, and went through a phase where I was working at a part time job a lot, and then scaled it back too for better work/family balance. Currently I'm freelance writing as much as I can (which isn't enough) and working odd jobs where I find them. I may return to work part time or even full time soon, but for now being a stay at home mom (SAHM) is working for us. We'll see how things look in a few more months - budgeting is difficult, for sure. I'm hatching a few plans for going back for some re-education, and also keeping an eye out for opportunities in my old field, just in case. The idea is for me to stay home until we have both boys in full time school, but that's still a long time away and I don't know if we can do it, both for financial reasons and reasons of maintaining my sanity.
We've enjoyed a few vacations, some mini ones and one larger one. I have a new stepfather and some stepsiblings and stepnieces.
Right now we have a foster dog staying with us while we look for a new home for her. She's precious, and fitting in really nicely with the other dogs. At least once a day someone mentions adopting her and keeping her forever...but I don't know if that's such a great idea. We'll see how things unfold.
All right...so that is the catch up post. Doesn't sound very interesting, but there have been a lot of smiles, a lot of celebrations, a lot of stresses, and a lot of learning and growing these past ten months. I'll be back soon.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Mrs. Manners
So I may not agree with some things that my parents did while raising us, but I have to say that there's one thing about which we are most definitely sympatico: manners.
Now that Roo has gotten (incredibly) verbal, I'm finding myself constantly suggesting politer ways for him to say things, forever reminding him about sharing and taking turns, and frequently scolding him for being rude or demanding.
If only all parents were doing the same.
Not to suggest, of course, that no other parents do. Of course some do, but lately it just seems to me that there are an awful lot that apparently don't.
At a local indoor playground recently, I was seriously shocked at how many children felt totally within their right to push in front of another child to use the play equipment. Even when the other child was obviously much younger. And the few times when I felt it was necessary to ask a child to kindly refrain from pushing in front of my son and wait their turn instead, these children demonstrated an unacceptable (to me) display of attitude. Eyerolls, snarky comments, or just plain ignoring me and continuing to take their stolen turn.
When I was little, I had no choice but to wait my turn, not push smaller kids around, and certainly not to sass an adult who admonished me if I did misbehave. Now I realize I'm getting a little long in the tooth, but come on, I'm not THAT old. Good manners aren't obsolete, are they?
Lately I've been reading a lot of articles and blogs about free range parenting and so-called "old school" parenting and from what I see, the general theme here is to not over-parent. To allow kids to be kids and be free from rules. Like how "we" were raised. (Except that some of us weren't, but I don't want to digress too much.) Which seems reasonable enough in theory, but I believe it comes with the side effect I've been noticing.
So obviously I am not a free range mom. I also don't believe in overly scheduling my kids, or hovering over them every minute of every day, or never allowing them to have any fun, but I am a firm believer that it's my job to teach my kids good manners and how to grow up to be kind, considerate, decent adults one day. I wouldn't want every part of their lives to be governed by terribly strict rules, but I do think a little bit of structure and instruction is necessary to avoid ending up with a cohort of kids who behave like drunken monkeys.
At the risk of sounding like I know it all, I suggest that, as with most things, a happy medium is the best answer. I know, shocking to hear that from me, right?
Big fan of free range chicken. Free range kids, not so much. At least not butting in front of us on the slide.
Now that Roo has gotten (incredibly) verbal, I'm finding myself constantly suggesting politer ways for him to say things, forever reminding him about sharing and taking turns, and frequently scolding him for being rude or demanding.
If only all parents were doing the same.
Not to suggest, of course, that no other parents do. Of course some do, but lately it just seems to me that there are an awful lot that apparently don't.
At a local indoor playground recently, I was seriously shocked at how many children felt totally within their right to push in front of another child to use the play equipment. Even when the other child was obviously much younger. And the few times when I felt it was necessary to ask a child to kindly refrain from pushing in front of my son and wait their turn instead, these children demonstrated an unacceptable (to me) display of attitude. Eyerolls, snarky comments, or just plain ignoring me and continuing to take their stolen turn.
When I was little, I had no choice but to wait my turn, not push smaller kids around, and certainly not to sass an adult who admonished me if I did misbehave. Now I realize I'm getting a little long in the tooth, but come on, I'm not THAT old. Good manners aren't obsolete, are they?
Lately I've been reading a lot of articles and blogs about free range parenting and so-called "old school" parenting and from what I see, the general theme here is to not over-parent. To allow kids to be kids and be free from rules. Like how "we" were raised. (Except that some of us weren't, but I don't want to digress too much.) Which seems reasonable enough in theory, but I believe it comes with the side effect I've been noticing.
So obviously I am not a free range mom. I also don't believe in overly scheduling my kids, or hovering over them every minute of every day, or never allowing them to have any fun, but I am a firm believer that it's my job to teach my kids good manners and how to grow up to be kind, considerate, decent adults one day. I wouldn't want every part of their lives to be governed by terribly strict rules, but I do think a little bit of structure and instruction is necessary to avoid ending up with a cohort of kids who behave like drunken monkeys.
At the risk of sounding like I know it all, I suggest that, as with most things, a happy medium is the best answer. I know, shocking to hear that from me, right?
Big fan of free range chicken. Free range kids, not so much. At least not butting in front of us on the slide.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Pride and Prejudice
Wow. I haven't written in a long time. For once, it's not because I've lost interest. Or have nothing to say. I just haven't had time! Between planning and throwing Roo's 2nd birthday party, complete with a trip back home for all of us, potty training Roo, starting Cat on eating solids (which for some insane reason I still want to make myself), and converting to cloth diapering, I haven't had an awful lot of time on my hands lately. So apologies all around...to everyone I've neglected and delayed and forgotten and had no time for recently.
Now. That bit of business completed, let's get on to the topic of the day. It's about kids and their behaviour in public.
I had a simply mortifying experience recently. I went shopping for Darling Husband's birthday gift and I knew I was risking it. Both boys were due for naps, but I figured we'd be quick since I knew what I was buying. Our trip to that store went so well that I decided we could walk two doors down and go to Indigo too, so that we could do a little something fun for Roo. I haven't committed to a train system at home yet, so going and playing (for free) with the train tables at Indigo seemed like a good idea. Seemed is the operative word. "Good Idea," this was not. Roo pranced up to the table and was happily playing away with Gordon and Percy and all the gang while Cat and I browsed around and I started making their Christmas wish list in my head (which is long since forgotten already, silly Mommy thinking I could keep a mental list with no brain cells). After about half an hour, Cat had had enough and it was clearly past his naptime. He hadn't yet learned to achieve his Jackie Evancho-like aria pitch yet, but he was crying loud enough that I figured it was time to skedaddle. So I went to collect Roo and here's where the serious hellaciousness started. I did not use my usual approach of warning him first that we were about to leave and I did not give him time to get ok with it. Totally my fault. But holy wow, the tantrum that ensued was nothing short of epic. We're talking full-on throwing himself on the floor, kicking, thrashing, screaming...kind of the way I would be if I was told that Daddy was never coming home again. He couldn't hear me, couldn't see me, couldn't do anything but howl. And in my haste I had only put one of the seats on the stroller, which Cat was occupying, so I couldn't even wheel him out of there. I tried to talk him down, I reasoned with him, comforted him, bargained with him, got cross with him. Nada. So I left him there on the floor sobbing, paid as quickly as humanly possible, apologized to the cashier, scooped up my boneless child from the floor and sped out of there with my tail between my legs. But not before I caught several annoyed stinkeyes and overheard a few comments about me and "my brats" and how good the riddance of us would be. Ouch.
When I got home I posted something on facebook about what happened and how I was so mortified and instantly had lots of support from other mommies. Lots of "who cares what they think" and "you tried your best, don't feel bad" and similar. But I just still felt embarrassed, and then the more I thought about it the more pissed off I got.
It makes me think about times I've had to get all Mama Bear on someone's ass. Like when we were on the plane for our trip last Christmas - with only one child ex utero, mind you! - and the not so lovely older couple boarded and argued over which of them would have to sit next to us in the open aisle seat in our row. They thought they were being quiet and subtle, but duh, on a plane, everyone hears everything. I heard every word and they made my blood boil. That, you two-faced old cow, is why I was so snotty with you when you tried making conversation with me later when it became obvious that my wonderful 18 month old Roo was in fact an outstanding flyer.
I just think it's sad that this is normal in our society now. People don't give a mom a chance to fix the problem before they're looking for another table or shooting you stinkeye or sniping with their friends. And they sometimes don't even wait for a child to start crying. It's like you're guilty before you're proven guilty. No child is an angel all of the time. Sometimes they cry. Sometimes the parents are able to find the problem and fix it quickly, but sometimes not. If it's not going on for an eternity or if the parent isn't spaced out, texting and ignoring the problem...maybe the hate could be delayed just a little?
I know I was guilty of this before I had kids. I didn't like listening to crying kids (I still don't!) and I would often roll my eyes and complain when it happened. I feel like a giant ass though, now that I know how those poor moms felt...and how much worse they felt when they heard or saw me.
[I also find it interesting that this doesn't seem to happen with daddies. Either the daddies are just much better at really not giving a darn what other people think, or else people must give daddies so many bonus points for just being out with the kids without mama that they are not expected to fix tantrums as quickly. Or at all. I think ABC should test that out on What Would You Do?]
Anyway, it seems to me that people expect kids to behave like short, well-mannered adults. And that all mothers should have a magic wand that works instantly and everytime (I guess the hospital never gave me mine; I'm looking on eBay for a new one). And if, God forbid, someone does decide to pitch a fit and Mommy can't stop it in a heartbeat, well, of course she must be a horrible mommy and her kids are total brats and maybe we should call Protective Services.
I call BS on this kid prejudice. My kids are (mostly) very good kids. Roo is 2 years old and he has better manners than most kids, better than most adults. I'm exceptionally proud of how my kids behave in public overall. They don't tantrum often, but when they do, it's usually because they're hungry or tired or teething or sick and they can't help it. They do not do it to piss you off or ruin your dinner or interfere with your phone call. I'm sorry if they're disturbing you, and I'm trying to stop them from disturbing you, but I'm doing the best I can and your intolerant attitude does.not.help.
Nobody in their right mind likes it when their kids freak out in public. I cannot imagine a parent a) not noticing, and b) not trying to fix it. I honestly bet that inside that poor distraught mother's head, she's thinking, "Holy crap, what do I do? Yell at him? Ignore it? Take him outside? Offer a bribe? Dig out a distraction? If I do that, what will it teach him? Will it make this happen again? WhatdoIdowhatdoIdowhatdoIdo???" And even if it doesn't look like it on the outside, her heart rate has probably skyrocketed, her blood pressure is through the roof, and she's probably sweating. Either help her or cut her some slack.
So: to any moms or dads at whom I've rolled my eyes before...I am so incredibly, ridiculously sorry.
Now. That bit of business completed, let's get on to the topic of the day. It's about kids and their behaviour in public.
I had a simply mortifying experience recently. I went shopping for Darling Husband's birthday gift and I knew I was risking it. Both boys were due for naps, but I figured we'd be quick since I knew what I was buying. Our trip to that store went so well that I decided we could walk two doors down and go to Indigo too, so that we could do a little something fun for Roo. I haven't committed to a train system at home yet, so going and playing (for free) with the train tables at Indigo seemed like a good idea. Seemed is the operative word. "Good Idea," this was not. Roo pranced up to the table and was happily playing away with Gordon and Percy and all the gang while Cat and I browsed around and I started making their Christmas wish list in my head (which is long since forgotten already, silly Mommy thinking I could keep a mental list with no brain cells). After about half an hour, Cat had had enough and it was clearly past his naptime. He hadn't yet learned to achieve his Jackie Evancho-like aria pitch yet, but he was crying loud enough that I figured it was time to skedaddle. So I went to collect Roo and here's where the serious hellaciousness started. I did not use my usual approach of warning him first that we were about to leave and I did not give him time to get ok with it. Totally my fault. But holy wow, the tantrum that ensued was nothing short of epic. We're talking full-on throwing himself on the floor, kicking, thrashing, screaming...kind of the way I would be if I was told that Daddy was never coming home again. He couldn't hear me, couldn't see me, couldn't do anything but howl. And in my haste I had only put one of the seats on the stroller, which Cat was occupying, so I couldn't even wheel him out of there. I tried to talk him down, I reasoned with him, comforted him, bargained with him, got cross with him. Nada. So I left him there on the floor sobbing, paid as quickly as humanly possible, apologized to the cashier, scooped up my boneless child from the floor and sped out of there with my tail between my legs. But not before I caught several annoyed stinkeyes and overheard a few comments about me and "my brats" and how good the riddance of us would be. Ouch.
When I got home I posted something on facebook about what happened and how I was so mortified and instantly had lots of support from other mommies. Lots of "who cares what they think" and "you tried your best, don't feel bad" and similar. But I just still felt embarrassed, and then the more I thought about it the more pissed off I got.
It makes me think about times I've had to get all Mama Bear on someone's ass. Like when we were on the plane for our trip last Christmas - with only one child ex utero, mind you! - and the not so lovely older couple boarded and argued over which of them would have to sit next to us in the open aisle seat in our row. They thought they were being quiet and subtle, but duh, on a plane, everyone hears everything. I heard every word and they made my blood boil. That, you two-faced old cow, is why I was so snotty with you when you tried making conversation with me later when it became obvious that my wonderful 18 month old Roo was in fact an outstanding flyer.
I just think it's sad that this is normal in our society now. People don't give a mom a chance to fix the problem before they're looking for another table or shooting you stinkeye or sniping with their friends. And they sometimes don't even wait for a child to start crying. It's like you're guilty before you're proven guilty. No child is an angel all of the time. Sometimes they cry. Sometimes the parents are able to find the problem and fix it quickly, but sometimes not. If it's not going on for an eternity or if the parent isn't spaced out, texting and ignoring the problem...maybe the hate could be delayed just a little?
I know I was guilty of this before I had kids. I didn't like listening to crying kids (I still don't!) and I would often roll my eyes and complain when it happened. I feel like a giant ass though, now that I know how those poor moms felt...and how much worse they felt when they heard or saw me.
[I also find it interesting that this doesn't seem to happen with daddies. Either the daddies are just much better at really not giving a darn what other people think, or else people must give daddies so many bonus points for just being out with the kids without mama that they are not expected to fix tantrums as quickly. Or at all. I think ABC should test that out on What Would You Do?]
Anyway, it seems to me that people expect kids to behave like short, well-mannered adults. And that all mothers should have a magic wand that works instantly and everytime (I guess the hospital never gave me mine; I'm looking on eBay for a new one). And if, God forbid, someone does decide to pitch a fit and Mommy can't stop it in a heartbeat, well, of course she must be a horrible mommy and her kids are total brats and maybe we should call Protective Services.
I call BS on this kid prejudice. My kids are (mostly) very good kids. Roo is 2 years old and he has better manners than most kids, better than most adults. I'm exceptionally proud of how my kids behave in public overall. They don't tantrum often, but when they do, it's usually because they're hungry or tired or teething or sick and they can't help it. They do not do it to piss you off or ruin your dinner or interfere with your phone call. I'm sorry if they're disturbing you, and I'm trying to stop them from disturbing you, but I'm doing the best I can and your intolerant attitude does.not.help.
Nobody in their right mind likes it when their kids freak out in public. I cannot imagine a parent a) not noticing, and b) not trying to fix it. I honestly bet that inside that poor distraught mother's head, she's thinking, "Holy crap, what do I do? Yell at him? Ignore it? Take him outside? Offer a bribe? Dig out a distraction? If I do that, what will it teach him? Will it make this happen again? WhatdoIdowhatdoIdowhatdoIdo???" And even if it doesn't look like it on the outside, her heart rate has probably skyrocketed, her blood pressure is through the roof, and she's probably sweating. Either help her or cut her some slack.
So: to any moms or dads at whom I've rolled my eyes before...I am so incredibly, ridiculously sorry.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Filling a half empty cup
I've always liked to call myself an optimist, but the truth is that maybe I'm not. I have a habit of assuming the worst about what people think, imply, or say to me and it's gotten me into trouble more than once recently. I want to change this way of thinking.
Here's an example. My husband blows off the way I would have done something and says "No, I didn't change Roo's diaper before his nap - but he'll be fine." But what I hear is "You change him too often, you waste diapers and money, you do things the hard way, you crazy nutter." So I get mad, he gets mad, and it's all because I have this hearing problem.
Or I approach another mommy to try to make small talk at a moms and tots class and she is brief and doesn't pick up the conversation. I could assume she's shy, or busy, or has to pee, or any reason for not wanting to talk to me at that moment, but I assume she's being a bitch and intentionally snubbing me. That I'm (or my kid is) dressed badly or she's laughing at my toes or she doesn't want to be my friend because of some defect of mine.
Or someone comments about how they were back in pre-pregnancy clothes when their baby was 3 months old. I look down at my mummy tummy and feel like they're judging me for still being the size I am and taking a shot at me for not trying hard enough.
Would an optimist hear other people's comments as criticisms and arguments all the time? I don't think so.
I know that a lot of it has to do with how I was raised. My family liked to argue and liked to veil character assassinations and verbal attacks as "jokes." All the time. You needed to wear emotional Kevlar to our dinner table. There's nothing wrong with this, but some more emotional people are just ill-equipped to deal with it. I'm one of them. I still think I'm a freak in a lot of ways because of things people said to me fifteen, twenty, twenty-five years ago, even if they were only kidding around.
But that's a pretty weak excuse. I have been living on my own for a long time now. I've come a long way in my life. The friends and family that I have now don't play that sport. There's just no reason for me to think this way anymore.
The question that haunts me now as I'm trying to stop being a Negative Nellie is do I run the risk of making a fool of myself because I'm busy looking on the bright side of everything? Are people going to be laughing behind my back because I am going to become unable to hear snobbery and sniping? Is it totally naive to think that people are nice? Am I going to be become a doormat?
Though I guess that if I'm busy being Mrs. Positivity, none of that will matter, will it? If I truly believe in the goodness of humanity, that really is all that will exist for me.
Well, from today onward, I am positive that I'm going to be much less negative.
Here's an example. My husband blows off the way I would have done something and says "No, I didn't change Roo's diaper before his nap - but he'll be fine." But what I hear is "You change him too often, you waste diapers and money, you do things the hard way, you crazy nutter." So I get mad, he gets mad, and it's all because I have this hearing problem.
Or I approach another mommy to try to make small talk at a moms and tots class and she is brief and doesn't pick up the conversation. I could assume she's shy, or busy, or has to pee, or any reason for not wanting to talk to me at that moment, but I assume she's being a bitch and intentionally snubbing me. That I'm (or my kid is) dressed badly or she's laughing at my toes or she doesn't want to be my friend because of some defect of mine.
Or someone comments about how they were back in pre-pregnancy clothes when their baby was 3 months old. I look down at my mummy tummy and feel like they're judging me for still being the size I am and taking a shot at me for not trying hard enough.
Would an optimist hear other people's comments as criticisms and arguments all the time? I don't think so.
I know that a lot of it has to do with how I was raised. My family liked to argue and liked to veil character assassinations and verbal attacks as "jokes." All the time. You needed to wear emotional Kevlar to our dinner table. There's nothing wrong with this, but some more emotional people are just ill-equipped to deal with it. I'm one of them. I still think I'm a freak in a lot of ways because of things people said to me fifteen, twenty, twenty-five years ago, even if they were only kidding around.
But that's a pretty weak excuse. I have been living on my own for a long time now. I've come a long way in my life. The friends and family that I have now don't play that sport. There's just no reason for me to think this way anymore.
The question that haunts me now as I'm trying to stop being a Negative Nellie is do I run the risk of making a fool of myself because I'm busy looking on the bright side of everything? Are people going to be laughing behind my back because I am going to become unable to hear snobbery and sniping? Is it totally naive to think that people are nice? Am I going to be become a doormat?
Though I guess that if I'm busy being Mrs. Positivity, none of that will matter, will it? If I truly believe in the goodness of humanity, that really is all that will exist for me.
Well, from today onward, I am positive that I'm going to be much less negative.
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