This New Life...It's Ours

I have been a full time working mom for eight months now. I think I'm finally getting adjusted to this new life, and dare I say, even starting to enjoy it. I've solved the problem of commuting from the US border to downtown Calgary, by finding a different job with a sweet office location. I've come to terms with my age and place. I've learned how to be a little better organized and how to speak up when something isn't going well. 


It's very odd though, being back at work full time really makes me think about how it used to be before the baby carriages rolled in. 


These are the things I miss from my old, single, non-parenting life:

1. The freedom to just go for a run whenever I felt like it. 
2. Having the energy to go running 5 days a week. 
3. Signing up for a yoga class without consulting three other people's calendars. 
4. Spending my money on things I want. 
5. Going to get groceries on a whim. 
6. Cleaning the house when or if I wanted. 
7. Eating whatever I liked for dinner, even if it was popcorn and wine. At whatever time I was hungry. Getting to eat it all myself and not have to give away my most favorite things. 
8. Having privacy. 
9. Having quiet. 
10. Being able to sit down and remain sitting, sometimes for hours. 
11. Being able to focus on a task until it was finished. Not thinking about  the enormous list of other tasks waiting for my attention. 

I'm sure I'll get some of these luxuries back as my kids get older and need me less, and I'm sure I'll miss being so critically important one day...but for now I don't have time to lament the loss of these freedoms. I'm too busy. Although working outside the home has definitely added complexity to our lives - and costs - and even more time pressures - I can honestly say I'm really very happy with it. 


I have days when I wish I could choose not to work outside the home. But I probably could make that choice if I really wanted to make more sacrifices. And I'm choosing not to.

A-ha Moments From A Newly Working Mom

Wouldn't a 25 hour day be awesome? I think it would...because there is no way on earth for me to actually get everything done in only 24. And here we are about to lose one hour this weekend!

After a month of working full time, I've learned some things. Here are my top 5 a-ha moments from transitioning to being a working mom. Some are good, some are a little less good...but all have been very necessary things for me to learn.

1. It's not as bad as I thought it would be. I was very nervous before I went back, fearing that it would be so hard for the boys, and even harder for me to get used to. But this was thankfully way scarier in my head than in reality. I'm actually really happy to be working again, and I think the boys are getting benefits too from not being with me 24/7. Overall Family Win.
2. I need to be more organized. It's true. The Me I Was ten, or even five years ago, would like to kick the behind of the Me I Am Now for becoming such a creature of routine. But setting times for specific things, like Diaper Washing Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Sundays, and actually thinking about things a little more than five minutes before I need to do them has really saved my life. Again, the boys are also benefiting here. Having more structure and learning that we have to do things when the clock says so is something I was really not giving them when I was at home.
3. I loathe commuting. I am taking up a collection to buy a helicopter. Or build a teleporter. Ugh. My commute is by far the worst part of my days. THIS is why people who work downtown should not live in suburgatory. I have no solution to this problem, other than a blissfully helpful and wonderful Hubby who is my boy pickup and dinner prep hero every day.
4. I'm much older than I used to be. I look around at the girls in my office and there's a distant memory that I used to be one of them. I used to be thin, and cute, and young. I used to have a social life, and fashionable clothes, and amusing stories about dating and fun. I'm not that anymore. I am Office Mom. With a desk full of pictures of my kids, a painted handprint on my wall that makes me cry when I read the poem on the back, unidentified smears on my coat, and a dusting of cracker crumbs and used tissues at the bottom of my bag (even though this is ONLY my work bag!). And I am comfortable with this. Except for the part where I'm not thin.
5. Ummm. I forget. The biggest casualty from my years at home is my memory. I can't believe how much I forget now! People tell me a name of someone I need to contact and I forget it in 30 seconds. Or I morph it into something close, but very wrong. Or I forget altogether than there's someone who does the task I need help with. I have never, ever relied so heavily on Outlook as I do now. Is this a function of age too, or trying to do too much, or something else? Was I forgetting stuff this much before and never knew it? I suppose if I was, I forgot about it.

Bonus! The absolute best side effect of working outside the home full time. I appreciate my boys so very much more now and truly cherish every minute I spend with them. I mean, I have always loved and been amazed by both my boys. But when you spend that much time with other humans, inevitably you begin to annoy one another. When before I would roll my eyes or grouch or be impatient with their precious annoying baby ways, I am now finding ways to enjoy what used to irritate. My positive parenting techniques are working so much better than they used to. My patience and ability to stay calm when they test me has really improved. Of course I still lose it occasionally (like when B1 kicked me in the face when I loaded him in the van after daycare one day!), but those episodes have greatly diminished.

I Was Always A Working Mom, But I Work Differently Now

Today was my first day at work in almost two years. I mean real, full time work, not odd or part time "fun" jobs.

It was really good. I had a nice time trying to remember people's names and getting a feel for what we do and how we do it.

It didn't go off completely without a hitch. I thought I'd be able to take public transportation and still make it back to pick up the boys, but after seeing the way our company works and how slowly the bus runs, that is not going to happen. So we need to figure out a new plan. I will stay home a bit later in the mornings and drop the boys off and will get to stay at the office a bit later in the evenings. And I really, really need to find a parking spot ASAP. I hate the bus and although I'd like to stay greener, I am just not willing to triple the length of my commute. I can't.

Of course this means "someone else" is now responsible for dinner most nights! And that someone almost never cooks. So it looks like we will start spending some time on the weekends prepping quick meals for the upcoming week. That's ok. Probably wise actually.

I know it will all work out in the end. And I know we only need to lower our standards for a while for stuff like how clean the house is and how nice our meals are. It will sort out in the long run.

I think I'm doing the right thing. I had more patience with the boys tonight than I've had in ages. We can eliminate some bad habits and behaviours from our life. I am going to feel more like me and more like a valuable contributor to our family and our finances. I am going to show my boys that mommies can do more than serve meals and wipe bums. There is always huge value in that, and I will do it gladly for them, but I want to show them that isn't all I can do.

It's going to be a long road and an interesting month. I'm so excited, but a small part of me would love to fast forward to the time when we do have things all figured out.

Also, I'm tired as hell and not looking forward to stuffing diapers tonight one.little.bit.

Big Changes!

So far, 2012 has been a year of many, massive changes for our family!

The biggest - I'm going back to work. Not BACK to work, but to a new, wonderful job that I'm incredibly excited about! As soon as I read the posting, I knew it was perfect for me and vice versa, and I think my new company thinks so too, because I got called for an interview almost immediately and I got the job offer just three days after the interview. It's going to be great, and I'm very excited about starting next week.

That also means my boys needed someone else to take care of them. By lucky coincedence, B1's BFF's mother mentioned to me that BFF's dayhome was looking for more kids. So I called, and she was happy to take them. And best of all, both B1 and B2 loved it when we went to meet her. Even more awesome, she takes BFF to preschool, and she can take B1 too. That was a big relief, I really didn't want to have to pull him out of preschool, but a daycare situation that would take him and pick him up is elusive. And she is all kinds of amazing too, she is willing to try our cloth diapers and the boys adore her already. They cried when I came to take them home yesterday. Also, she sent lunch home for them yesterday (so they could get used to her cooking) and B1 ate CHICKEN, happily and without coercion. This is nothing short of a miracle.

So this has been our transition week. I started them going for a couple of half days and a couple of full days this week while I was still home to come to the rescue if anything went horribly. I've been kind of at loose ends. It's quiet in here. I'm not used to having time to actually think about what I want to do next, let alone having the time to do it. I tried to make it harder by taking in a new foster dog last weekend, but the darn guy is too good. He is hardly any work at all. Aside from the extra laundry from peeing everywhere, but that's hardly different. I've started to run again. Slowly, and not as often as once upon a time, but hopefully that will come with time. I'm really tired of dragging around this mummy tummy and I'm very motivated to get fit again.

I've started to learn how to make quicker meals and save time on cooking and cleaning, since my time will be so much less. I think I can keep us eating similarly to what we're used to, but I haven't figured out the cleaning solution yet. Well, I have, but I haven't hired her yet.

Thankfully, that's all the news I have to share right now. I don't think I could handle much more change than this! It will be interesting to make the transition from a stay at home mom to a working mom and I hope I do a good job of documenting this journey!

I Don't Want Anything, Mama

No, I haven't raised a generous, truly selfless little angel. Not quite.

B1 does actually understand the concept of giving some of our things away when we don't need them anymore, and helping others where we can (he tells people he has a sister, that's our World Vision child in Brazil). And he did tell me yesterday that he doesn't want anything for Christmas this year.

But it's not nearly as noble as it sounds. It's actually kind of chickeny.

It's because I was getting the boys' letters to Santa written and ready to send away. He's been terribly indecisive about what he wants to ask Santa for, and I finally found out why. It's because he's terrified of Santa.

It's our fault. Everything was fine. He went to see the big guy at the mall last year, and he wasn't thrilled, but didn't fuss, didn't cry, didn't complain, and he wasn't even 2 1/2 at the time.

He was happy as heck when he got a video reply to his letter to Santa, from www.magicssanta.ca.  

 







And then we got the fantastic idea to stage a little show at home Christmas Eve night. I was at Walmart and saw a Santa suit, so I grabbed it. My dad was in town and after we got B1 ready for bed, we heard a jingling and crept downstairs, to spy on Santa in the living room, filling our stockings. B1 got a look of horror on his face and fahreaked out.

The view from the stairs

Immediately before he turned and bolted

We have tried, and tried, and tried to explain to this boy that it was a fluke, that it almost never happens, that it will probably never happen again...but he isn't buying what we're selling. He is scared of Santa. Period. He says he MAY go see him at the mall but he isn't crazy about the idea. And he said he's going to bed early Christmas Eve just in case. (Which we are MORE than ok with.)

So this year, as I was working on the letters, and gently pressuring him to make up his mind and choose his most wished-for toy, he waffled for a while, then finally said he doesn't want anything.

He'll appreciate the fact that I rarely believe him.

But the little stinker outsmarted me yet again and quickly amended his statement to say, "From Santa. I don't want anything from Santa. I still want stuff from you and Daddy."

That's my generous, truly selfless little angel.