Wednesday, October 17, 2012

I Get It Now

I thought about saving this post for Mother's Day or my Mom's birthday or something, but those are too far away. I wanted to say some things and I think it would be better to say them sooner rather than later. Not for any scary doom-filled reason, just because I think it will make my Mom happy and why wait for that.

I wanted to say I get it now. Lately I've been realizing all kinds of things that have made me understand a lot of the things you did or said when I was a child that made me annoyed with you.

  • How - whenever we had tacos for dinner - you would always make a salad for yourself. I get it. That was so you could leave the shells for us. Did this very thing last week myself. It wasn't really what I wanted, but everyone was eating well and I saw we would run out of tortillas, so I stopped eating them. I used to roll my eyes and think you were on another silly diet (which may have been true sometimes) but more often I think it was an act of selflessness.
  • How - whenever I asked to go swimming, you would roll your eyes and try to convince me I didn't want to go. I get it. I know how much the pool sucks and I also hate taking my kids there. 
  • How - when we had friends who were annoying, you let us know you didn't really like them. I get it. I try not to - oh, I try not to - but now that my kids are making friends, I have been unable to help myself sometimes if the kid is just particularly annoying.
  • How - when we had parents of a boyfriend treat us with slightly less-than-open arms - you got violently defensive of us. I get it. Obviously we aren't there yet, but even if my kid is the last to get a ball at Sportball class, I'm prickling to wrestle someone for "overlooking" him.
  • How - when people were rude or inconsiderate - you would make a passive aggressive comment. I get it. I think your comments were probably less passive than mine, but I hate it when other people act like jerks and I talk (loudly) to my kids about the need to take off dirty shoes/leave some for others/pay attention to where they're going/etc. within earshot of adults who are failing to be respectful.
  • How you always opted out of the pictures. You weren't happy with how you looked and you didn't like having your picture taken. I get it. I make a point of being included in the pictures anyway, but I totally understand how you felt. I wish you'd been able to push past it though - there are not enough pictures of you with us when we were little. 
I'm sure, as my kids get older and we go through more changes and challenges, that I'm going to "get" a lot more. But I just wanted you to know that I understand a lot of it.

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