Big Changes!

So far, 2012 has been a year of many, massive changes for our family!

The biggest - I'm going back to work. Not BACK to work, but to a new, wonderful job that I'm incredibly excited about! As soon as I read the posting, I knew it was perfect for me and vice versa, and I think my new company thinks so too, because I got called for an interview almost immediately and I got the job offer just three days after the interview. It's going to be great, and I'm very excited about starting next week.

That also means my boys needed someone else to take care of them. By lucky coincedence, B1's BFF's mother mentioned to me that BFF's dayhome was looking for more kids. So I called, and she was happy to take them. And best of all, both B1 and B2 loved it when we went to meet her. Even more awesome, she takes BFF to preschool, and she can take B1 too. That was a big relief, I really didn't want to have to pull him out of preschool, but a daycare situation that would take him and pick him up is elusive. And she is all kinds of amazing too, she is willing to try our cloth diapers and the boys adore her already. They cried when I came to take them home yesterday. Also, she sent lunch home for them yesterday (so they could get used to her cooking) and B1 ate CHICKEN, happily and without coercion. This is nothing short of a miracle.

So this has been our transition week. I started them going for a couple of half days and a couple of full days this week while I was still home to come to the rescue if anything went horribly. I've been kind of at loose ends. It's quiet in here. I'm not used to having time to actually think about what I want to do next, let alone having the time to do it. I tried to make it harder by taking in a new foster dog last weekend, but the darn guy is too good. He is hardly any work at all. Aside from the extra laundry from peeing everywhere, but that's hardly different. I've started to run again. Slowly, and not as often as once upon a time, but hopefully that will come with time. I'm really tired of dragging around this mummy tummy and I'm very motivated to get fit again.

I've started to learn how to make quicker meals and save time on cooking and cleaning, since my time will be so much less. I think I can keep us eating similarly to what we're used to, but I haven't figured out the cleaning solution yet. Well, I have, but I haven't hired her yet.

Thankfully, that's all the news I have to share right now. I don't think I could handle much more change than this! It will be interesting to make the transition from a stay at home mom to a working mom and I hope I do a good job of documenting this journey!

I Don't Want Anything, Mama

No, I haven't raised a generous, truly selfless little angel. Not quite.

B1 does actually understand the concept of giving some of our things away when we don't need them anymore, and helping others where we can (he tells people he has a sister, that's our World Vision child in Brazil). And he did tell me yesterday that he doesn't want anything for Christmas this year.

But it's not nearly as noble as it sounds. It's actually kind of chickeny.

It's because I was getting the boys' letters to Santa written and ready to send away. He's been terribly indecisive about what he wants to ask Santa for, and I finally found out why. It's because he's terrified of Santa.

It's our fault. Everything was fine. He went to see the big guy at the mall last year, and he wasn't thrilled, but didn't fuss, didn't cry, didn't complain, and he wasn't even 2 1/2 at the time.

He was happy as heck when he got a video reply to his letter to Santa, from www.magicssanta.ca.  

 







And then we got the fantastic idea to stage a little show at home Christmas Eve night. I was at Walmart and saw a Santa suit, so I grabbed it. My dad was in town and after we got B1 ready for bed, we heard a jingling and crept downstairs, to spy on Santa in the living room, filling our stockings. B1 got a look of horror on his face and fahreaked out.

The view from the stairs

Immediately before he turned and bolted

We have tried, and tried, and tried to explain to this boy that it was a fluke, that it almost never happens, that it will probably never happen again...but he isn't buying what we're selling. He is scared of Santa. Period. He says he MAY go see him at the mall but he isn't crazy about the idea. And he said he's going to bed early Christmas Eve just in case. (Which we are MORE than ok with.)

So this year, as I was working on the letters, and gently pressuring him to make up his mind and choose his most wished-for toy, he waffled for a while, then finally said he doesn't want anything.

He'll appreciate the fact that I rarely believe him.

But the little stinker outsmarted me yet again and quickly amended his statement to say, "From Santa. I don't want anything from Santa. I still want stuff from you and Daddy."

That's my generous, truly selfless little angel.

Someone Has Been Watching Too Much Food Network

Because I think I can create things in the kitchen, when probably I can't. My husband lucks out big time tonight. He won't be home for supper, so I'm making things I know he doesn't like.

It started as a recipe I saw on Pinterest that looked yummy. But I can't be content to just replicate it, I must Improve it.

It's all things my boys like, so keeping my fingers crossed for some Yums tonight.

I made some layers, starting with sliced sweet potatoes, then black beans, corn, diced red peppers, quinoa cooked in tomato sauce, and more sliced sweet potato. I will bake it for a while, then top with tex mex shredded cheese. I may also add some more tomato sauce before the cheese if it's too dry.

I don't think it should suck. But maybe I'll just have some frozen chicken strips on standby just in case.

Surely that doesn't mean ME?

I'm generally a pretty big rule-follower. And it bugs me when other people act like rules don't apply to them. I'm not talking about kid stuff, like kids climbing up slides or playing on playground equipment designed for kids younger than they are (although that kind of stuff irks me). Kids will be kids and I don't really think play should have all those rules enforced. Would be nice for the control freak in me, but I'm aware it's totally unrealistic.

I'm talking about adults selectively ignoring rules. That chaps my lips. Especially rules of courtesy that relate to hygiene, saftey, or spreading communicable diseases, i.e. stuff that can affect me and my kids. I'm having a grouchy day, so in no particular order, here's a list of offenses that annoy me.

• Socks. If you go to a play place that has signage about requiring socks...WEAR bloody socks! Put socks on your kid! If you don't have any, buy some (most places that require socks also sell socks). Or don't go.
• Stroller parking. If you're at a zoo, or a playcentre, or somewhere where it is a bad idea to bring your stroller in (this is generally obvious from there being a long line of parked strollers outside, or a sign that says something vague like "Stroller Parking"), how's about you park your stroller and don't try to wedge it where it doesn't fit.
• Pregnant woman/family parking spots. These are a courtesy thing, not a legally enforced thing, sure. But why be so discourteous to use it if you don't really need it? And if you do use it when you aren't the designated type of user, for heaven's sake don't get all huffy and eyerolly if you have to wait for a legitimate user (say a mom with a stroller and shopping bags and two small kids, one or two of whom are probably demanding something Right Now) to get themselves loaded and unpacked and organized. If you parked beside me, and it takes me a long time to get us to a point where we are not blocking your door, that's not my fault. You could have parked anywhere else.
• No outside food. Honestly? If you're going somewhere that sells food, don't be surprised if they aren't happy to see you bring in outside food. Most places are happy to make exceptions when necessary, but businesses don't stay in business without sales. This is not rocket science.
• Smoking areas. I don't even think I need to say more about this. I don't object to anyone's right to smoke, but it's my right not to.
• Sick kids sharing their germs. If your kids is barfing, being a pudding pants, or has green goo all over their noses or spewing from their mouths, they really don't need to go infect the train table at Indigo. Or anywhere else. Yeah, yeah, I get that it's inconvenient, and it sucks to have to stay home. But it sucks for everyone else too. And some kids are more delicate and what's a minor annoyance to yours can be a hospital visit for another. I can't confirm it but I think we picked up our latest stomach virus at a coffee and play place. I did not enjoy spending all night cleaning up puke and comforting my toddler. But guess what - we stayed home the next day so that someone else wouldn't have that kind of night.

That felt good.

Mmm, that is some tasty crow!

Recently I got involved in a debate with some moms about parenting methods. It wasn't a knock down, drag out, but there were two clearly opposing "sides." Basically, some moms recommended a book and using approaches based on this book (Honey, I Wrecked The Kids ) and some others objected and resisted and justified why this would never work and wasn't reasonable. I was on the negative side.

In a nutshell, Honey I Wrecked the Kids talks about democratic parenting and shows how different it is from the dictator parenting we are more familiar with. It highlights some of the long term negative effects that can come from a bossier, less fair, more combative family approach and gives parents tools to listen better, understand more, and get connected to their kids, which ultimately makes everyone happier and more cooperative.

I bought this book at least six months ago and it's been sitting in my kobo app, collecting virtual dust. Finally I decided to start reading it. I haven't really been able to stop thinking about it since I opened it two weeks ago. It is life changing for me. And I think for my kids too.

It seems like so much common sense, but obviously it wasn't so common, because I never thought of it before Alyson Schafer pointed it out to me.

I'm far from an expert yet. I still redline every now and then and lose my mind on the boys, but before this book I was doing it daily. Multiple times a day. I was hating being a stay at home mom and at times desperately looked for a job just so I could stop screwing things up. Now I am able to see attention seeking behavior or power struggles for what they really are and stop myself from engaging in that. I'm better at reframing things and finding win win solutions. I'm just having more fun, and I think they are too.

Which is pretty much everything the moms I was arguing with said, but I had all my reasons why I didn't want to agree. I thought it would be too hard - don't I work hard enough already? I thought it was unrealistic - the world doesn't work that way, sometimes you just have to suck it up and do stuff you don't want to. I thought it would make kids more entitled - you can't expect teachers and coaches and bosses to stand on their heads to get cooperation. But the truth is it really isn't a Herculean effort to laugh more, be optimistic, and listen better.

Again, it's not being used here 100% yet, and my kids still have the odd tantrum. No parenting method can take away the pain and frustration of a toddler cutting 8 teeth at once and not having quite enough words to explain how he feels. And as with anything, change is hard. When a preschooler is used to Mom putting up a fight and giving him attention (even if it's angry attention), and suddenly she stops, it's normal to try harder at first. So we've still had some rough days. But I feel much less guilt now and more as though I'm actually shaping them into normal, happy, emotionally healthy humans.

So...I was wrong! So very wrong. And I've never been so happy to admit that.

If, like I did, you struggle with your kids' behavior, if you hate yelling, if you ever feel like nothing works...drink the kool aid. Read this book. Live this book. Your kids will thank you.